The following article talks about a phenomenon that has been well researched over the years called confirmation bias.
http://www.smartthinkingbook.com/2012/10/you-end-up-believing-what-you-want-to.html
Although he does not use that terminology specifically, his reflection is the same: people have a strong tendency to see a situation in a way that confirms what they already believed or suspected. The more this happens, the stronger these beliefs become until they are well-developed biases that shape our view of the world.
It was once argued by Anthony Greenwald1 that there is a benefit to this tendency. Because we experience the world as predictable, it helps increase our sense of stability and cohesiveness in the world. While this may help everyone feel more comfortable, it is not without costs.
First of all, this pattern is the very phenomenon that leads to self-fulfilling prophecies. If we believe something is going to happen, on subtle or overt levels, we tend to behave in ways that create the very conclusions we anticipated. For example, consider a spouse who believes the in-laws are not welcoming. During a visit, this individual will be on guard and wary, unaware that the tone of an interaction is typically set within three seconds. The family will read the prickly presentation and respond in kind. If this happens repeatedly, eventually the belief will become reality- the family is not warm because they dread the tension that comes whenever these interactions take place.
Next, it creates fixed ways of thinking that inhibit learning. One is not open to new perspectives or alternative ways of thought that could create greater understanding and context. Instead, there are only eyes for what is already known, keeping paradigms well in place and collaboration between different views almost impossible.
With such a system in place, cognitions become fixed and inflexible. When new information arises, we are not able to consider the new information so we respond in habitual ways. While a certain response might have been appropriate for one scenario, it may no longer hold true when even slight circumstances have changed. For example, your family may have taught you that the best way to show love is by showering you with affection. Years later, however, your spouse responds best to appreciation and compliments. Although both situations involve showing love, if you stick to old what you learned and not adjust to what your partner wants, s/he will be less satisfied and you will feel rejected. It is important to be able to change as the circumstances arise. Otherwise, these fixed ideas will leads to poor decision making.
Finally, the situation becomes distorted: if someone is only open to what they already know, information might be missed or experiences distorted. As Elliot Aronson2 stated, “the failure to update our conception of the world in the face of new and discrepant information can result in a mistaken picture of reality. These consequences are not just mental but can show their face in social problems that we call racism, sexism, prejudice, and just plain stupid thinking.” (p. 149)
To avoid some of these negative consequences, there are several steps one can take:
- Be wary of labels because they are often highly colored and emotionally loaded. Instead, focus on descriptions of the experience much like a reporter tries to stick to the facts and let the reader decide what conclusions to draw.
- Be curious. Look for evidence of your position and consider if there might be other perspectives or interpretations you may not have seen upon initial impression.
- Try to use more than one way to categorize. Be especially careful if your original thoughts are unflattering or negative.
- Consider if this viewpoint is helpful or if it leads to difficulties. (What are the advantages/disadvantages to thinking this way). If it seems to lead to problems, try again.
- Try to see each situation with fresh perspective, recognizing that each moment has unique qualities and potentials.
- Consider the question: have you caught yourself shutting out new information because you were too invested in what you already thought was true?
Our desire to confirm what we already believe is a common trait and part of the human condition. The trick is to be aware of this tendency so we reconnect with freedom of thought and action. Life has a wealth of possibilities and through mental discipline, it is possible to make the most out of each moment.
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1 Greenwald, A.G. (1980). The totalitarian ego: Fabrication and revision of personal history. American Psychologist, 35, 603-618.
2 Aronson, E. (1992). The social animal. (6th ed.) .New York, NY: W. H. Freeman and Company.