Like anything worthwhile, the search for happiness is not an easy journey. Luckily, the very qualities that are created along the way become the foundations needed for long term success. I encourage you to take your time with each element, and determine what resonates that needs development in your life. Below are the last two elements that will hopefully help you along the way:
Satisfaction
In Greek mythology, Tantalus was a man tormented in Hades by eternally having what he wanted just beyond his reach. The branch would rise just as he tried to grab the succulent fruit; the water would recede when he bent down to drink. What profound understanding of yearning! Whether longing for something that was, or hoping for something in the future, there is so much distraction about what is lacking that there is no potential to see beauty in what the here and now has to offer. “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the ‘present’.” (Thank you, Master Oogway from Kung Fu Panda- my in-depth study of animation is finally paying off!)
Paradoxically, the joy brought by some “thing” (an event, experience, person, or object) cannot be sustained. It won’t last. The new wardrobe will be out of style in a few months and the latest gadget will be obsolete as soon as it leaves the store. We cannot hope to stay hip when standards are changing at breathtaking rates. In addition, a large part of what brings us pleasure is fresh excitement. Once the item has been around for some time, it becomes the expected norm. The treasure moves from center stage to something forgotten or taken for granted.
Want has no path to peace; it simply breeds more want. Avoid this trap by finding contentment with what you have- see how there is “enough” already. “When one can live in the moment with expectations in harmony with experiences, one has achieved the greatest mental contentment possible.” The mind is no longer afflicted and there is new freedom to focus on what is truly important and lasting.
Compassion
The Dalai Lama has said, “Genuine peace of mind is rooted in affection and compassion.” Jesus similarly beckoned his followers to this through the parable of the Good Samaritan. Compassion holds this place of honor for a good reason. It has a protective quality that prevents us from becoming consumed with hate, jealousy, conceit, lust, etc. These emotions demand energy and focus, robbing the afflicted person of any centering calm. Through objectification, the other person becomes an opponent rather than a fellow traveler.
While we strive for happiness, we all have our share of pain, sadness, and fear. Each person is doing the best s/he can with limited resources, modeling, and opportunities are available. Instead of seeking revenge (lure of justice), or becoming distant, refuse to lose the ability to be caring. Consider the compassion you would like to be shown if the tables were turned:
- How might this person’s actions make sense to them? What factors may I not be considering?
- Are there outside issues at work like pressures/stressors/external constraints?
- Does this person have the tools to do better than s/he is? If yes, why wouldn’t this person use them? If no, are my expectations unrealistic?
- If I credit this person with good intentions, how might that change my perspective?
- Someone loves this person deeply. How would they see this person right now?
- Could I be reacting in this way because of my own baggage?
Through thoughtful consideration, seeking to be loving to the other person, we are filled with warmth and kindness, and given new opportunities for connection- the nourishment of the soul.
There is always a faint voice in the wind, beckoning us forward, inviting us to find the happiness that is missing. It requires change, hard work, and hope, but it is worth it. For this noble quest not only brings contentment, it also leads to the very changes that makes us better people. May we all heed the call!!