Dr. Phillippa Diedriches, from the Center for Appearance Research at the University of the West of England, recently released statistics they found in college women across several UK campuses. The research shows that in order to achieve their ideal body weight and shape:
— 30% would trade 1 year of their life
— 10% would trade 2-5 years of their life
— 2% would trade 6-10 years of their life
— 1% would trade 21 years or more of their life
In addition, 26% of the women surveyed were willing to sacrifice at least one of the following:
— £5000 from their annual salary (13%)
— A promotion at work (8%)
— Achieving a first class honors degree (6%)
— Spending time with their partner (9%)
— Spending time with their family (7%)
— Spending time with their friends (9%)
— Their health (7%)
— 79% of the women surveyed reported that they would like to lose weight, despite the fact that the majority of the women sampled (78.37%) were actually within the underweight or ‘normal’ weight ranges. Only 3% said that they would like to gain weight.
— 93% of the women surveyed reported that they had had negative thoughts about their appearance during the past week. 31% had negative thoughts several times a day
Article URL: http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/221215.php 05 Apr 2011
Here we have validation that women are increasingly seeing their bodies as enemies to be conquered, not part of their lives to enjoy. The emphasis placed on this antagonistic relationship is so dramatic, so impassioned, that it is seen as reasonable to compromise confidence, achievements, resources, and even love. What lies behind this desperate desire for the cultural ideal? What could be so enticing that these costs would be worth it?
In reality, women today are not able to fight in a fair fight. It used to be that women were “only” comparing themselves to anorexic models with shapes like adolescent boys. Then there was the advent of cosmetic surgery, minimizing varieties and emphasizing one type of body shape at the exclusion of others. Now we have the computer shifting our expectations to something inhuman. For example, wimp.com offered a video showing the transformation of a woman from someone you might see on the street to a cover girl. http://www.wimp.com/advertisingcover/. Although a makeup team could significantly alter her appearance, it was not enough. Photoshop masters changed the size of her eyes to child-like proportions, elongated and thinned out her neck, and used shading to make her seem thinner than what she was. These changes are so subtle and done in concert, so society is tricked into believing these distortions are not only possible but held up as the goal.
There is also inevitable set-up when self-esteem is based on the expectations of others. Society’s “musts” are forever changing, with emphasis placed on that which is difficult to attain. For example, in poverty stricken regions, weight is highly prized. In areas where there is abundance, thinness is the ideal. Opinions are also heavily influenced by culture, sex, religion, and context. A Buddhist monk has no “value” in the world of marketing; being born a girl is less desired in some parts of the world. In other words, our expectations are truly in the eye of the beholder.
These external norms are also tenuous and have to be constantly maintained. In such a system, a person is only as valuable as their latest statistic. For example, a football player is only as good as the last game; a salesperson as good as their last quarter, and a model as good as the last layout. I have heard many heart-aches about low self-esteem that changes daily based on the number registering on the scale, the sense of success about an interaction, or even how well they parented on a given day. For the famous, fall short of the expectation too long and attention moves to the next latest phenomenon. For those with a strong internal critic, the relief at being “good enough” does not last long because we all have room for improvement. No matter how hard the effort, esteem based on the external will always be as fickle as fame.
Luckily, we do not have to just resign ourselves to a life of dissatisfaction and self-esteem struggles. There are ways to find contentment and live a life focused more on living than how we are failing. To start, throw the whole concept of “worth” out the window. In essence, this concept forces a person to walk around with a measuring stick, constantly appraising the differences between two people. The only conclusions that can then be drawn will be one up or one down and in such a system, both parties lose. If I assess that I am better than another, I either have to downplay my own strengths so they don’t feel threatened, take on a burden of trying to build them up, or devalue them and miss out on all kind of gifts they had that I had not taken the time to notice. If I believe I am less than the other person, it will seem like I should apologize for being an imposition. I may even believe I should be grateful that they would be willing to be around me at all.
Stop measuring. Work every day to boldly accept our humanness. We all smell, make stupid jokes, choose poorly, and have personality flaws. We also can bathe, share new perspectives, take risks that pay off, demonstrate resilience, and find ways to change and grow. We all have something to offer; we all have problems to overcome. If we throw out the ruler, these facts of life don’t have to be a competition, but instead be opportunities for collaboration and connection.
This is just a taste of some of the ways we can avoid becoming a statistic about low self-worth. We are more than what we are told and we are more than some surface appeal. Best of all, no belief is immune to specific efforts aimed at changing them. With good care and a healthy dose of self-directed compassion, healthy self-esteem is possible!
If you are interested in learning more on this subject, the following are great resources:
– Kano, S., (1989). Making Piece With Food (Rev. ed.). New York, NY: Harper & Row Publishers Inc.
– Orbach, S. (1978). Fat is a feminist issue. New York, NY: Berkley Books.
– Rodin, J. (1992). Body traps: Breaking the binds that keep you from feeling good about your body. New York, NY: William Morrow and Company, Inc.
– Schaef, A. W. (1992). Women’s reality: An emerging female system in a white male society. New York, NY: HarperCollins.
– Fanning, P. & McKay, M. (2000). Self-Esteem (3rd ed.). Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications Inc.