Leaving Neverland Part 3: Breaking the Silence

In this three part series, we are delving into a third aspect of the documentary, Leaving Neverland. Dramatic details were divulged related to Michael Jackson’s insatiable pedophilia and how it turned lives upside down.  The first article highlighted grooming behaviors; the gradual process a perpetrator uses to lower a child’s defenses.  A kind of brainwashing, it ensures there will be little resistance to the abuse and rationalizations that decrease the fear of disclosures.  The second article discussed parental endangerment, the criminal act of failing to protect a child from danger.  The numerous forms highlighted in the film are as mindboggling as they are disturbing.  This final article hopes to clarify an unfortunate assumption around reporting that often discounts a survivor’s experience while shaming them in the process.   

The two survivors, Wade Robson and Jimmy Safechuck, and their families showed breathtaking courage to share such vulnerable stories with the world.  Yet, many have responded with disbelief that the stories are true, openly questioning why the disclosures have come decades after the abuse.  The prosecuting attorneys who filed charges against Michael Jackson were particularly confused.  They questioned the boys when allegations first emerged and cannot understand why the stories have changed so dramatically now.  Others have been outright hostile, threatening the men and their loved ones.  

The reality is that delayed disclosures are common.  One study found that male survivors engage in their first in-depth discussion approximately 28 years after the sexual abuse took place. [lii]   Another study reported males disclose being sexually abused in childhood on average 22 years after the assault, 10 years later than females. [li]  Some of the reasons for silence mirror those of female survivors; others are unique due to our cultural attitudes.

Shared reasons:

  • There is a desire to protect the perpetrator who may be someone the person loves, trusts, and admires.
  • The abuse was normalized.  Many clients have shared with me that they did not know the abuse was wrong.  It wasn’t until they visited friends’ homes or had a relationship that was vastly different from anything they have known that questions begin to emerge.  For Robson, he realized the levels of abuse when he had a daughter of his own and saw how innocent trust was taken from him.   
  • Fear may have been instilled through threats, coercion, and apportionment of blame.  One of the men stated that Michael repeatedly called his home to weave a tale that would prevent the child and his family from mentioning anything inflammatory.  Jackson’s staff also coached the families about what to say if ever questioned by authorities.  Jackson bribed the children (and parents) with gifts, cash, and promises of career help — to keep quiet. When summons arrived to provide depositions, they complied with Jackson’s expectations.
  • Once the perpetration is recognized as abuse, there is a wellspring of confusion:  Why didn’t I know this was abuse?  Why didn’t I tell?  Why didn’t I stop it?  What does this say about me?  What does this say about my sexuality?  These painful questions are often suffered in silence for fear of what the answers might reveal.
  • Concerns they will not be believed
  • Fear of reprisals.  In this particular case, Robson and Safechuck have to face their families, the legal system, and the perpetrator’s families.  But because Michael Jackson has such a loyal following, they must also deal with the wider implications of those who refuse to have their idol defamed. 

Gender-specific reasons:

  • According to Dr. Richard Gartner, a leading expert on the impacts of sexual abuse on boys and men, fewer males report sexual abuse than females “partly because fewer boys and men consciously identify their experiences as abusive. Cognitively, they may feel less traumatized, despite having a wide range of symptoms related to it.” (1999, p. 29) 
  • There is a belief that sexual assault is primarily inflicted on women.  The U.S. Centers for Disease control (2005) reported that 16% of men experienced sexual abuse by the age of 18.   However, due to all the factors mentioned in this article, it is widely thought that these statistics underrepresent reality. 
  • The Sexual Assault and Prevention Center also mentions gender expectations and homophobia as reasons for silence. These were not mentioned in the documentary, however, if you would like to read more about this, please see this article:  https://sapac.umich.edu/article/53. 

The stories these two men shared are heartbreaking.  But even in this ugliness, these men are creating change.  Finding his voice, Robson helped Safechuck fully awaken to his abuse and realize that his nebulous struggles were linked to his past.  This clarity and understanding dramatically changed the course of his therapy and healing.  By breaking the silence, other male survivors might have some solace knowing they are not alone. 

The decision to share abuse is very personal and must be considered with care.  Should this be a path you are considering, please talk to a professional about what factors are involved and what is needed to do this in a wise, thoughtful way.  Whatever steps are taken, abuse is more than a story of victimization.  It can be a process that leads to healing, empowerment, and self-discovery. 

  • [lii] Easton, S. D. 2012. “Disclosure of child sexual abuse among adult male survivors” Clinical Social Work Journal. Doi 10.1007/s10615-012-0420-3
  • [lii]  https://www.livingwell.org.au/information/statistics/#_edn51
  • Gartner, Richard B. (1999).  Betrayed as boys: Psychodynamic treatment of sexually abused men. Guilford Press.

Resources for Survivors


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