I feel like November snuck up on me and I soon realized that in just a few weeks, there will be holiday get togethers and a spike in stressors. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a utility belt like Batman that gives you all you need to survive the season? You feel frantic at the store- a little energy zapper would immediately provide a sense of calm. There could be a button that creates an invisible force field so you would be unaffected by your crazy uncle who thrives on chaos. Alas, there is no such option. However, there are mental and emotional tools that can be used in a similar fashion. Noticing a theme of anxiety surfacing with family dynamics nearing, the following are ideas on how to handle the season with style. With determination and preparation, you can implement creative responses to whatever lies ahead.
Acknowledge your triggers and pre-determine ways to take care of yourself. This is a time of triggers. We were born with a certain number of painful experiences and relationships because we live with a bunch of human beings who are limited in different ways. If you take a step back and think about what upsetting feelings emerge around this time of year, you can go in with an action plan. For example, if your cousin tends to dominate conversations, consider sitting somewhere in the room that is further away. Perhaps there is someone who loves to find fault in everyone. Identify ways you can stay grounded and neutral so you have the choice whether or not to engage. Keep in mind that the more time you take between the trigger and the response, the greater the chance you are choosing how to respond rather than simply reacting.
Liberate yourself from expectations. The reality of expectations is that when you set the bar high, anything that falls beneath that line will not be appreciated. Lots of loving acts go unnoticed because they were not exactly what had been anticipated. Without conditions for what is o.k., you can be more open. You eradicate the fear of disappointment and create space for flexibility and new experiences. (A great example of this is depicted in the “Christmas Story” movie when the glorious turkey is devoured by the neighbor’s dogs. The family winds up enjoying their Christmas meal with duck at a Chinese restaurant!)
Re-evaluate the roles you play. Roles are everywhere. At an early age, we are conditioned to engage in certain ways and deterred from other behaviors. Soon these responses become automatic and unchallenged. Do any of these sound familiar: the baby, the success, the responsible one, the fat one, the thin one, the rebel, or the black sheep? These are all different boxes we can get stuck in. We are denied the opportunity to be present in the moment and respond in ways that fit with our ever maturing values and needs. Determine what roles you have been asked to play and consider ways to step outside of them. You are so much more than the box you’ve had to fill!
These are just a few of the options! The key is to be intentional- know what adds to your stress and have a plan to address these head on. Then, you can hopefully find joy during the next few months and create positive memories that bring smiles for years to come. To all- I wish you peace and happy holidays!