I was in squishy pants, reading something I know was highly intellectual when it suddenly dawned on me- this month is the twentieth anniversary of Side-by-Side Counseling. Twenty Years!!!! While I am in comfortable denial that I’m two decades older than when I started, I can say it has been a compelling ride full of rich stories, hard work, and fabulous people who have and continue to provoke and inspire. After this much time, I thought it might be fun to sit back and contemplate what has evolved over the years.
You know you’ve worked with me if…
- You use food adjectives to describe your experience. For example, something enjoyable is “yummy” while something upsetting is “spicy”.
- To get rid of uncomfortable energy, you have a specific way of moving your body that is a cross between an excited octopus and a seizure.
- Complex internal experiences have been clarified using stuffed animals. My personal favorite animal friend is the new alley cat, “Nibs” but the chicken is a close second. Please note, I do not do puppet shows… yet.
- You know therapy is made better with a nice cup of tea.
- There is no such thing as a typical therapy session. Perhaps you’ve played follow-the-leader across the room. Perhaps you have hit pillows with a martial arts bat coupled with some great four-letter words. Maybe you’ve used a tennis ball to help manage a panic attack. Clients know- healing can come in many forms.
My five favorite life lessons are…
- “I don’t know how to _________ … yet.” “This is hard/painful/confusing/unfamiliar… for now.” These statements highlight that every moment is a chance to create something new. Over time, our efforts can lead to significant change. Relationships can evolve, skills can be learned, and we can let go of worn-out narratives in exchange for a new story.
- It is always my goal to be honest with people, even when it is hard to hear. However, it must be done with great care. As the Dalai Lama stated, “Truth without kindness is cruel.”
- People make sense when we take the time to figure out the context and go deeper than what is on the surface. I’ve learned to trust that someone’s choice/beliefs/feelings/sensations are there for a reason.
- Be curious. It is far richer than being certain. I chose my theoretical orientation partly because of the emphasis on experimentation. In this mindset, we try things out to see what works and what doesn’t. There is no failure, only information to guide us along our path.
- “It is what it is.” Living in denial or a fantasy means figuring out how to cope without full awareness/understanding of what we are dealing with. When moments of acceptance come, there is often relief because the effort required to pretend is finally over.
- Celebrate positives whenever we can. Ex: I am officially the employee of the month. (It helps when you work for yourself)
I am delighted to say that after twenty years of private practice, I would not trade this adventure for anything. Thank you to my parents, teachers, colleagues, mentors, clients, students, friends, hubby, daughter, and cat- all who have helped make this anniversary possible!