Continuing from the last article on grief, our loved ones, neighborhood, state, nation, and world are all going through an experience together. People are showing up in inspiring ways, including risking the virus to provide needed services, making homemade masks for medical facilities, and even car manufacturers building respirators. At the same time, I’ve noticed that no matter how many skills I use, there is a cloud of anxiety that is a constant presence. I don’t think I’m alone. When I recently went grocery shopping, the tension in the air was palatable. People had tight mouths, minimal eye contact, and wary glances. Now with the order to wear facial masks, the reality is even more apparent.
Listening to clients, friends, and strangers, impacts and the corresponding responses are as varied as there are people in the world. Kubler-Ross was able to identify a pattern of emotional experiences that most people go through when grieving. Yet there is so much more to the process. The context alone can greatly impact what it is like to get through this especially challenging time. Although not an exhaustive list, the following highlights the various factors that, depending on their specific forms and intensities, that can make this a stew of emotions.
Pragmatic Impacts
This involves elements that help us get by day to day. We first saw this with the run on supplies, making it difficult for others to purchase necessities like toilet paper. Then businesses began to close, jobs lost, and childcare no longer available. The financial strain alone might mean that bills are hard or even unable to be paid. Medicines may be difficult to come by and medical issues separate from COVID-19 are put on the back burner to avoid troubling an already burdened system.
Lifestyle Changes
If someone already works from home, the amount of change in routine may be limited to the personal world. For others, they may have gone from constant social interaction to a lot more alone time. Churches, schools, AA meetings, and therapy have all had to go virtual. Schedules may no longer exist, and coping strategies like exercising at a gym are closed. I talked to one person who took on childcare responsibilities of her sister. The mom is a nurse, and because she is exposed to patients with the virus, they made the difficult choice of parent-child contact only through facetime to avoid contaminating the child. This is a sacrifice I had not even considered!
Support System
There are specific challenges to having young ones in the home who need supervision, activity, and attention. With no one to provide breaks or playdates available, all of these needs must be met within the home. For others, they may be closed in with someone where there is constant conflict or even someone who can be scary. Then there are those who live alone, struggling to deal with loneliness and the lack of human touch.[MH1]
Mental Health Challenges
There are general ways we function that impact our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. Some people have strong resources in place to get through hard times. For others, they need help to strengthen resiliency through distress tolerance and coping strategies. Then there are those who have an added burden, afflicted with anxiety, depression, trauma, etc. Knowing that they already work hard to keep their heads above water, this added pressure can burden or even overwhelm an already stressed soul.
Each person will have a unique combination of circumstances that will create all kinds of feelings and reactions. There is no rule about what is right- if you feel it, there is a reason. When dealing with grief, the recipe is straightforward: feel what you feel, as long as you need to, with people to support you. Let us all do what we can to find hope, inspiration, and strength. With a little patience and a whole lot of kindness, we will get through this together!
“Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” – Vicki Harrison