I delight in emotions. To me they are what makes life vivid and full of color. They can be messy, confusing, or even contradictory. They can provoke smiles or tears, the desire to shrink away or inspire. But I am aware that my attitude is not their norm. They are often misunderstood and for some, mistrusted. Let’s explore what they are and what they do so we can embrace them as a vital part of our human experience.
What Are Emotions?
At their core, emotions are a bundle of complex internal processes triggered by specific events, thoughts, or memories. Like lights on a dashboard, they signal that something is happening that requires our attention. Most often, there is an underlying need to address that will help us navigate the situation. This plays out in the following way:
- Trigger: something happens that is relevant to us. It might be something in the environment, like an interaction with someone, or something internal like a memory or a thought.
- The body response: our nervous system causes a chain of responses that signals a need to pay attention. The sudden shift often includes changes in heart rate, breathing, muscle tension, energy levels, posture, temperature, and even pupil dilation. Usually, these changes are directly linked to the body responding to whatever is happening.
- The brain response: the brain uses all those complex somatic pieces to make sense of the situation. In the moment, we usually only recognize the most pressing need and give it a label. Here is where those rich words like angry, hurt, excited, embarrassed, or hopeful come into play. If we have time to dig deeper, emotions rarely come alone. We may discover a mixture of experiences and layers of meaning. (This is one of my favorite things to do- explore the richness of what these emotions are telling us!)
- Action: as a reminder, emotions are an internal process, only offering information. That said, once the need is labeled, we become motivated to address it. Observable behaviors might include pulling away, setting boundaries, offering a hug, smiling, or self-soothing. Please note, if we are not careful, we can act instinctively rather than mindfully. When there is no discernment between the trigger and the response, we have reactivity. If we think through the situation and bring in strategy, we have “response-ability.”
What Are Emotions For?
As hinted above, emotions are vital tools for navigating life in many ways:
- They signal needs, potential threats, and opportunities. For instance, sadness may indicate loss, prompting us to seek comfort or support as we try to deal with this new reality. Hope may help us push through a difficult situation to see what might happen on the other side.
- They drive behavior. Anger can bring us the energy needed to face danger, fear can drive us to get the heck out of the dangerous situation, while elation reminds us to dance like no one’s looking.
- Social Communication: emotions help communicate our internal states to others, encouraging connection, empathy, and understanding. A smile signals friendliness and approachability. Tears of sadness can prompt someone to provide a compassionate ear, and a grimace helps others avoid Mom’s meatloaf.
- Self-Regulation: by attending to our emotions, we learn about our boundaries, values, and desires. For example, some may want to move on from a situation, but the other person remains hurt and angry. Something has yet to be resolved, and honoring this discomfort prevents the seduction of avoidance from working. Emotions as caretakers are essential for making informed decisions and maintaining well-being.
Misconceptions
Sadly, there are attitudes about emotions that lead people astray. The most common blocks are believing them to be signs of weakness, the cause of some moral deficit, or simply irrational. Sadly, these attitudes lead to suppressing or ignoring emotions. Then we’re left with difficulties like a flattened experience where we only live in the gray (remember- emotions are the color of life!), strained relationships, an inability to self-advocate, and disconnection from ourselves. In his book, When the Body Says No, Dr. Gabor Mate even highlights that this adversarial relationship with emotions can even lead to disease!
Let’s Live In Color!
Emotions have so much to offer. Rather than resisting or fearing them, let’s embrace these human experiences and the messy vitality they bring. By befriending this experience, we enrich self-understanding, learn how to get along with others, and find the spice in life along the way!