http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36083481/ns/us_news-crime_and_courts/?GT1=43001
Above is a link to an article where MSNBC authors chose to headline a tragic story using language that softens the brutality suffered by a young woman. “Unrelenting bullying,” they called it. I can almost hear someone reply, “Oh, that’s just kids being kids.” But when you get into the meat of the article and adult terminology is used, the real terror comes forth. Why did these authors avoid words like rape and assault and instead minimize the ugly truth with a word as generic as bullying?
The assumption is that bullying is a common problem children face and in time, will be outgrown or will in some other way pass. On one hand, the assumption is true. Bullying is common. Recent research indicates that bullying is prevalent among 30 % of American school children within a school semester (Nansel et al., 2001). However, it is not just another childhood issue that will work itself out. Bullying is dangerous and can have the same lasting impacts as any other threatening/traumatic experience. I have worked with clients who are reluctant to be open because they still remember the pain of a broken confidence, when a “friend” sought popularity at his/her expense. Others become clingy or keep a distance so they will never again feel the full impact of being ostracized like they were at a younger age. Then there are adults who have lost their sense of “self” because they try to be what they think others want. For them, it is better to play along than to be criticized.
I find that an effective way of giving true respect and voice to a child’s situation is to place something that happened on the school playground within the context of a business. Once this seems like two adults, we would erase the “bullying” label and replace it with one of the terms in red. See what difference it has for you:
- A kid on the bus stated he was going to beat another kid up after school. Adult equivalent: threat of assault/ battery.
- Taking away lunch money. Adult equivalent: theft, possible extortion
- Two girls passed around a notebook having people write down all the things they hate about the friend they no longer want to hang out with. They gave the notebook to the girl between classes. Adult equivalent: defamation of character, slander
- A girl keeps having her hair pulled by the classmate sitting behind her. Adult equivalent: assault and harassment, creating a hostile work environment
- A teenager punched another guy for talking to his girlfriend. Adult equivalent: aggravated assault
Labeling something as “bullying” is the best way to make sure a behavior is dismissed or minimized. We need to listen to our children and recognize that their experiences are not just kids play but real fears, worries, and stressors. By taking children seriously, we create the potential for meaningful action that can hopefully make it safe to grow up.