It may be difficult to look forward to holiday get togethers. There is already the anticipation of the uncle who talks with his mouth full, grandma who smells like she put on all of Macy’s perfumes in the store, and dreaded pearl onions. This season, conversations might be extra challenging because of the political climate and the amount of polarization. Our entrenched views and the tendency to approach differences like a debate makes gatherings especially rife for conflict. Here are a few suggestions to help you navigate loaded topics while preserving good will and connection.
Be the Best Version of Yourself
My hope is that no matter how anyone else behaves, you can look at yourself in the mirror the next day and feel good about how you showed up. As author Terrance Real cautions, no one gains in the barf-bag approach to intimacy, where we say whatever we want believing it is being authentic. Instead, let’s respond thoughtfully rather than impulsively. Embrace patience and kindness, keeping in mind that each person is a human being with vulnerabilities and tender places. Strive to maintain a positive attitude that promotes respectful and meaningful interactions.
Maintain Perspective
Ideally, holiday gatherings are about community, celebrating meaningful traditions, enjoying delicious food, and sharing some laughs. Pause and consider: is this conversation truly helpful? For instance, are you gaining a better understanding of someone else’s viewpoint, or is this just a back-and-forth power struggle? Will the discussion leave a positive impression tomorrow? If not, it may be wise to gently steer the discussion back to what matters- enjoying the holidays and each other.
Keep It Respectful
Just as no one enjoys a holiday meal seasoned with snark or backhanded jokes, there’s no need to “grin and bear it” if things get out of hand. When humor crosses the line or the conversation turns cutting, don’t hesitate to set some boundaries—after all, a good gathering shouldn’t come at the expense of anyone’s dignity. If you feel comfortable, gently point out that a comment wasn’t quite in the holiday spirit and ask to keep things respectful. Sometimes addressing it head-on doesn’t feel safe or doable. You can always opt for a softer touch. Offer a neutral reply like, “That’s one way to see it,” or “Interesting,” or simply redirect the conversation. If all else fails, excusing yourself is always an option.
Get Curious
This attitude is the greatest antidote to certainty and judgement. If there is a desire for meaningful conversation, show genuine interest. Ask open-ended questions and invite others to share about their experiences and perspectives. Fully listen to their responses, resisting the desire to prepare a rebuttal. Invite deeper exploration rather than seeking quick agreement or judgment. I especially love hearing personal stories that moves past trading facts and instead build up shared understanding. When you lead with curiosity, you open the door to deeper connections, even when the topics are tough.
In today’s divided world, holiday gatherings can feel more daunting than ever due to the divisive climate. This guide reminds us to show up as our best selves, handle loaded topics with patience and kindness, and keep focus on our intentions. By respecting boundaries, maintaining perspective, and nurturing curiosity, we can navigate even the trickiest moments and savor the spirit of the season together.