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Dieting Myths
Reading all of the nutritional and dietary claims out there, I started getting small facial tics trying to make sense of it all. Some tell us to focus on protein; others say to “simply” restrict to 500 calories, then there are those who eradicate chewing all together and offer nutrition through a straw. Since no one is suggesting the diet I would like, chocolate covered anything, I reluctantly decided to do some digging to try to figure out what is scientifically sound and health wise. With the help of Wikipedia, the Mayo Clinic, the FDA, and several nutritionists, it was no surprise that many claims are either manipulations of the truth or just plain wrong. Below are myths so common, they deserve special attention:
1. Diet plans have a secret ingredient that you need to lose weight. All effective weight loss programs boil down to one simple equation: burn more than you eat. That’s it. A pound of fat equates to about 3500 calories. Therefore, if you eat 500 calories less than what your body is burning each day, you will lose approximately one pound per week. If you cut down a small amount and increase the level of activity, it is possible to lose 25 pounds in six months!
It should be noted that the way you approach this equation does make a difference. Our bodies are mini-chemistry labs, which constantly seek balance. If you skip meals, your body will either decrease the metabolism to compensate, or promote a “seek and eat” mechanism to meet the immediate nutritional needs. If the body is starved, gorging behavior becomes highly probable. The body and mind try to maximize intake because there is uncertainty of when another meal will be available. This stress takes its toll, both physically and psychologically. Now weight management becomes even harder because guilt, depression and anxiety are the perfect ingredients for emotional eating!
2. Eat three meals a day. Such an approach does not fit with the body’s metabolic needs. Nutritionist Nancy Pudwill states that our bodies seek nourishment approximately every two to three hours. If we provide regular sustenance, metabolism is more efficient, mood and energy levels are more stable, and the body avoids constant chemical ups and downs. Include snacks for mid-morning, mid –afternoon, and the evening. Since the calories are being spread out over time, be sure to adjust portion during meal time.
3. Fat is bad. Fats have gotten a bad reputation. It is true that trans fats or saturated fats have been linked to serious health problems. But unsaturated fats have been proven to be an essential part of a healthy diet. According to Wikipedia, “Vitamins A, D, E, and K can only be metabolized in conjunction with fats.” There are additional benefits like promoting healthy skin and hair, augmenting cellular health, providing a buffer against many diseases, and lowering the risk of heart disease and cholesterol. One healthy fat, Omega-3, has even been shown to help regulate mood!
At the same time, consume with care. Fatty foods tend to be full of calories. Coupled with the sheer tastiness and ease of consumption, it is easy to overshoot your energy needs. There is also a mindset that can cause trouble. People see the “fat free” or “low-fat” label and think that it means “guilt free.” Food is then approached without restraint. The truth is that in these foods, the fat has often replaced with other full-caloric foods like sugar and flour. Side by side, fat free food often has more calories than its “regular” counterpart.
4. Artificial sweeteners are a dieter’s dream. There has been fierce debate over whether or not sweeteners like Aspartame (Equal, NutraSweet), Neotame, Saccharin (SugarTwin, Sweeet’N Low), Sucralose (Splenda), and Acesulfame potassium (Sunett, Sweet One) are unhealthy. The FDA has approved these food additives, and the National Cancer Institute and other health agencies have stated that there is no sound evidence linking these products to cancer or other serious health concerns. According to the Mayo clinic, there are even some positives to artificial sweeteners. They do not contribute to tooth decay, they are good alternatives for diabetics because they do not impact blood sugar levels, and have no caloric value.
At the same time, there are many sites claiming that they are nothing but packaged toxins. There have been accusations of political maneuvering with the FDA, and concerns that these sweeteners may mimic symptoms of serious illnesses like MS, Lupus, ADD, depression, and chronic fatigue. What I can be safely concluded is that artificial sweeteners have not had the hoped for impact on America’s growing waistline. Although calorie free, these sweeteners do not curb the desire for sweet rewards. In addition, the chemically produced sweetness is many times greater than anything nature can provide, decreasing the satisfaction found through the garden. In the end, the dieting industry remains well-funded, our unhealthy habits remain unchanged, and our society grows fatter than in any other time in history.
In general, a good meal plan is full of food that comes straight from the garden. It serves to care for the body’s needs in a sustainable way, rather than a frantic short-term solution that does nothing to address underlying patterns for how we relate to food. Most importantly, it is part of a lifestyle that allows for connection, relaxation, moderate exercise, and play.
Pawlack, L. (2009). Stop gaining weight: Three no nonsense steps to no more pounds. Macybooks.
Emotional Reactions: Proceed With Caution!
My poor husband was struggling to keep his cool. For weeks his workload had been relentless, sprinting to meetings and pulled like a marionette in numerous directions. Just looking at him, I knew that those tired eyes and frantic movements meant that it was just a matter of time before he quit everything and ran off to the circus. Out of concern and worry, I finally asked, “What can be done to help you with your stress level?” His eyes registered instant hurt and anger. “I’m doing the best I can! I’m not going to quit my job and I certainly don’t need this on top of everything else!”
What on earth just happened? I had initially thought that I was about to get an award for the wonderful supportive wife of the week. I wanted him to feel loved; I wanted him to see that I got how hard he was trying, and wanted to help. Yet none of that registered. In the conversation that followed, we were able to figure out where we went wrong- my words were a little too close to the language his boss had used, “Well, what are you going to do to get that project done?” He also was struggling with a little guilt, knowing that no matter how hard he tried, he knew his struggle was having an impact on our little family. Had we not been able to talk it through, this filter would have remained. He would have felt criticized and unsupported and I would have been resistive to offering support in the future because it seemed that my efforts only frustrated him.
As the example highlights, emotional reactions are incredibly important because they provide valuable information. They give us hints about the situation using intuition and observation. They also connect us to those things that have built our character, like our beliefs and values, our sense of dignity and respect, as well as those experiences that have shaped are lives. Yet our reactions and emotions are only part of the picture. By nature they tend to be rapid assessments of the situation, based on the facts that are deemed the most relevant and self-protective. That means that some details will go unnoticed and there is little time to consider alternative perspectives. Do we recognize this potential for inaccuracy or misunderstandings? Rarely. The reason is because our reactions are incredibly persuasive.
The ability to influence is largely impacted by three variables: trustworthiness, familiarity, and the ability to evoke emotions. Our internal dialogue has all three elements going for it. For example, research has shown that people tend to trust information when it appears to come from an experienced source. The “who” of reporting adds legitimacy. When it comes to ourselves, we trust our own judgment because there is neither an underlying agenda to fear, nor concern that our best interest is not under consideration. Familiarity is the comfort that develops with exposure. Our reactions, as stated earlier, are often based on our well-developed beliefs and experiences that become part of our character. What could possibly be more familiar than ourselves? As for evoking emotions, these internal messages tend to prey on our vulnerabilities and need to self-protecting, activating the potent feelings of fear, anger and hurt. The combination of these three elements is an view that seems like an absolute, truthful account of the situation, rather than a potentially fallible, definitely slanted perspective.
Emotions are as practiced at persuading as any lawyer or advertiser, and simply being aware of this provides an advantage. Wariness develops, sensing there is more to the story. Instead of defensive certainty, one remains curious, open and ultimately more approachable. The end result is less time spent suffering, snapping, and perhaps apologizing, and more time spent understanding and enjoying one another.
I am happy to report that I was able to step back and realize that my own catastrophic thinking was off base and I needed to gain more perspective. With this change of focus, I became less reactive and more interested in what was going on. His frustration immediately told me that what I was saying and what my husband was hearing were two different things. I chose to try again, emphasizing my desire to support him during this tough time and address this out of concern. Helping him hear my intention, his defenses dropped, and we were both in a better place to work together.
Real “Happily Ever After”
With February being the month of love, it seemed fitting to look into what such an experience is all about. The Romantic tradition claimed that being “in love” was a disease. If I put on my “clinical” hat, they aren’t that far off. Looking just at the symptoms and behaviors, it suggests some kind of mental illness that causes significant functional impairment. For example, there are physical symptoms such as:
- Heart palpitations
- Sweating
- Nausea, butterflies in the stomach
- Difficulty concentrating
- Hypervigilance, waiting for the beloved to arrive
- Obsessive thoughts
- Inability to sleep
- Excitation
There are also disruptions in thoughts and behaviors
- Desiring constant union
- Day dreaming
- Overestimation- to the point of the grotesque or even delusion of the value of the beloved. Red flags and negative traits are often dismissed. Compare this to Bill Cosby’s reflection on his own marriage 20 years later: “Camille and I may be blinded by love, but we have Braille for each other’s flaws.”
- The rest of the world pales in comparison to the beloved. The other is so centrally important that we are thrown into a condition of need.
- There is an obsession about the other person. The way he talks, the way she walks, her smell….
With a concluding diagnosis, the physical response would most likely be labeled with an anxiety disorder; the cognitive and behavioral disruptions a combination of a manic episode and some delusional disorder. How romantic! In reality, we all know this “pathology” not only feels wonderful, it can be something we pine for.
However, it does need to be temporary. I know the message in our culture is that this swooning should last forever, with the “happily ever after” endings, but this is neither healthy nor realistic. If we stayed in this awe-struck state, we wouldn’t eat or sleep. We’d struggle to get anything done. Work would be just a hurdle we would resent, taking us away from time with our sweetheart, while children would have to fend for themselves.
At some point, we also have to face our lives. Our partner has been put up on a pedestal, and nothing penetrates the happy bubble. Consider Disney’s version of Cinderella. We are led to believe that after the ball she has found true love in those few short hours. I don’t deny that it was a wonderful evening. She got a gorgeous dress which fit perfectly and magically appeared, and her transportation was completely free. For Cinderella, the influence of the critical, abusive family was magically put on hold. For the Prince, his demanding job as political leader was suspended. And there was the glamour, the music, and the surroundings. Who wouldn’t be swept away! But after they have lived together for a while, how does Cinderella feel then? Prince Charming squeezes the toothpaste from the middle; leaves the toilet seat up, stinks after a long horse rides and slurps when he eats.
I’m not saying they can’t have love once the magic fades. It’s just that the relationship is going to change. The state of ignorant bliss comes to an end and the real kind of love has room to grow, for to truly love someone, you have to know them…. All of them! Love means caring enough to give real feedback, patience, and encouragement. It becomes about emotional safety, vulnerability, and connection, all essential elements for emotional health. There is nothing more wonderful than knowing that someone knows all your imperfections and loves you anyway. When this happens, a new kind of magic happens; we feel worthwhile, accepted, and important. We seem to be able to take on the world because no matter what, there is love. As 1 Corinthians 13: 1-3 says:
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angel, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
During this season of love, I hope you have more than glorified romance. Whether from your partner, your child, your neighbor, or your pet, I hope you find a source of enduring, deep love.
Childbirth Trauma
I was recently interviewed on my work with new mothers overcoming the effects of traumatic childbirth. To read the article, please go to Associatedcontent using the link below:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/6202018/recovering_from_childbirth_trauma.html?cat=25
Forget Resolutions: Become Who You Want To Be
It’s that cheerful time of year when we begin to dream of what can be. Some of us hope to learn a new language, some gain a new hobby and others just hope to master the use of utensils. The point is, we are looking for ways to shape a better tomorrow. Yet to move the wheels that keep change in motion, the task cannot be undertaken lightly. Our tendency to gravitate back to the usual routine or maintain the norm can be strong. Forget resolutions. That has become a bad word that screams February let down. Rather, let’s contemplate what can help turn ideas into reality.
There is no way to head towards a destination if you don’t know where you’re going. The “how” is useless without the “what” crystal clear. To begin, think about the big picture and what is important to you based on your values and dreams. Forget your parents’ expectations- they don’t have to live it; forget what the latest book claims is the right way to live- it is just another opinion of someone who doesn’t know you. This should be, to quote Tigger, “All about you!” It may help to envision yourself at an advanced age, sitting on a porch with friends, telling stories about your life. What would you emphasize? What would you like to say you experienced and did? What kind of person (qualities) do you hope to embody? The answer to these questions can become the guiding principles that focus daily decisions.
Once you have determined your vision, the various aspects of your life then are examined to determine if they complement or detract. Every element is an integral, so nothing is off limits. Consider your relationships- all of them: family life, friendships, spiritual pursuits, work, money, silence, play, time, volunteering, self-growth practices, etc. When most areas are all pointed in the same direction, there is a natural momentum that begins to take hold.
As you go through this examination, it will become evident what is lacking or what factors are sucking away precious resources. You may be surprised what comes to light. My colleague, in a presentation on time management, recently highlighted how much concentration is compromised and how much time is spent simply checking email on a frequent basis. There may be people who have a malignant influence. On the surface, they may seem to have good intentions, but a closer look shows undertone that serve to cause constant second-guessing or self-doubt. It’s time for some pruning!
Once space has been created by getting rid of the unwanted weight, there is now a place for those elements you want to introduce or enhance. Set the goal. Don’t be fooled- this is an art.
- Write down the goal in positive terms, focusing on the gains rather than losses. For example, someone wants to shed some unwanted pounds. Consider the difference in motivation between how this goal is stated: (a) spend one hour less time on the computer playing games (b) spend my relaxation hour trying out my new hobby.
- Be realistic. I once heard someone say, “The Lord didn’t do it in one day, what makes you think you can?” It will take time and patience as the changes become part of your routine. Choose one thing to start with. Then, take action. Procrastination will be very seductive, so to avoid this trap, commit to engaging in the goal for fifteen minutes. The point is START! Finishing is less important when you are trying on new things.
- Make it specific so you know what you are after. Otherwise it is like reading a map with a general idea of where you are going but no clear route. Example: “stress reduction” is vague. Instead, the goal could be: implement a self-care regimen by walking a half hour, three times per week.
- Include accountability/support. Resolve ebbs and flows. It can be hard to consider the long term when the rewards of the moment seem so strong. Knowing others will ask about your progress, are ready to cheerlead, and can give you that extra push can make all the difference in the world!
- Evaluate- did it work? If it did, GREAT! Figure out the recipe that led to success so you can duplicate it. If it didn’t work, review what we’ve talked about and find gaps. For those times when we really missed the mark, brush off, and try again. Sometimes we learn where not to go so we eventually find the path we want.
With a little luck, some dedicated focus, and a desire to really embrace what lies ahead, you can have more than a life. You can have a life fully lived.
The Love Language of Gift Giving
With all of the hubbub about Christmas shopping and the latest gadgetry, it can be hard to see presents as anything but mere consumerism. But giving to others does not have to be just another meaningless obligation. Giving a gift can be a powerful way to communicate how special someone is in your life. If done with the right heart and right approach, giving gifts is deemed one of the five primary ways to show love. (Chapman, 1950) What better time than the holiday season to practice this form of loving?
Gifts come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. Some are expensive and others are free. What makes a gift a form of love is the underlying meanings that are attached. Luckily, just giving the gift is a good start. Once something is in hand, there is tangible evidence that someone was thought of. The thought was then important enough to turn into action. In order to have something in hand, time and resources were required.
The gift gains in importance when it shows that you were paying attention. When you surprise someone with a treasure they mentioned in passing months early, it means you made the effort to remember. If you found something related to his/her interests, the gift meant stepping outside of your personal preferences and taking time to consider what is important to the other person. It is an act of true selflessness.
Example: I was told a story about a woman who said the most romantic gift she had been given was bear repellant. It had been a life dream to go into the wilderness alone and stay for several days, much like a rite of passage in some of the Native American cultures. Her husband was a wreck that something would happen to her, particularly an encounter with wildlife. On the day she opened the package and found the repellant, she recognized that it symbolized how hard he was trying to honor her needs but also try to provide some protection in the only way he knew how.
Then there are those gifts that signify a connection that is unique to the two involved. Sometimes it makes a statement, such as a friendship pin or a wedding ring. Other times, it is more subtle and indicates an intimate knowledge of the other. Examples might include a bouquet of flowers that are the same as those given on a first date, a bookmark containing the words to a favorite song, or perhaps a framing a cherished card that had been given in the past. The key is to recognize and make tangible what is special between you.
When you look at your list of people to give to, recognize that this is an opportunity to offer more than an obligatory token. Instead, you can step into the other person’s world, learn more about who they are, and consider how this person’s day may be made brighter by this act of kindness. Best wishes this holiday season!
______________
Reference: Chapman, G (1992). The Five Love Languages. Chicago, IL: Northfield Publishing.
A Thoughtful Approach to Holiday Eating
We have a dreadful set up when it comes to eating around the holidays. It begins with sheer availability. At every turn, there are mounds of tantalizing foods that are laden with just the right fat, sugar, and empty calories to keep us constantly seeking more. Next, add triggering people and situations that promote emotional vulnerability and the need for comfort. Finish off the dilemma with the social message that it is not only o.k. but expected that one indulge because it’s a special occasion. Add this all together and we’ve got all the makings for gluttonous eating. No wonder weight watchers reports that the average person gains seven pounds over the holidays!
Although many people say they will diet as soon as the holidays are over, the reality is that most people do not. Good intentions, if not accompanied with the right change in thinking, support, and accountability, last only a few months at best. As to dieting, it often does nothing more than set up a vicious cycle of deprivation, shame, and bingeing that in the long run, results in no net loss and more commonly, weight gain.
The greatest defense we have against this trend is to have a thoughtful, deliberate approach to not only holiday eating, but eating in general. Determine what kind of relationship you want to have with food so your behaviors are less reactive and more in line with your wants and values. My wish for you is to be able to experience the pleasure of food while retaining a primary focus of nourishing and nurturing the body. This may seem like a simple statement, but it is really a guiding principle with vast implications on choices. For example, portion sizes will not be based on what the host serves, but rather on what the body needs. The majority of items placed in the mouth will be tasty AND nutritious, not just a flood of empty calories or flavorless mush. Food is to be chosen thoughtfully, which avoids mindless eating or grazing. It is also means savor (enjoy) and fully experienced what you are eating. Wonderfully, that will naturally lead to slower eating, feeling fuller sooner, and greater communication with the body.
You are also basing your decisions on what you need and want, which stands in contrast to eating out of social obligation. So often, there are subtle or not so subtle pressures that encourage people to discount themselves. It is more important to take care of yourself than be polite! You do not have to take an extra portion just because grandma went to extra effort to make your favorite. You do not have to fill your plate because other people are uncomfortable that you are showing restraint. No matter how many times you are asked, you always retain the right to decline. People may try to turn this into something personal about them, but you can gently offer a reminder that this is not a reflection on their cooking or how much you care about them. You are simply making sure that you are thoughtfully taking care of yourself.
There are many more preventative ideas that can be implemented, based on this principle. I encourage you to start preparing now, before you are faced with this dilemma. If you are looking for ideas, I will be providing a free seminar full of strategies that can give you a head start! Together we will develop a reasonable, confidence-building plan that you can use through the holidays and beyond!
Thoughtful Eating During the Holidays
November 16th, 2010
4251 Kipling Street, Wheat Ridge- Conference Room
Please RSVP by November 15th to 303.915-5597