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Anxiety versus Panic
It is not uncommon for people struggling with anxiety to misunderstand the differences between their intense feelings and panic attacks. The following article does a fantastic job clarifying the difference between these two experiences and the reasons behind them. http://www.healthyway.com/content/panic-attack-symptoms-to-keep-in-mind-even-if-you-havent-been-diagnosed-with-anxiety/
For those with panic disorder, or even times of acute distress, I have found that a few strategies can make all the difference in the world. It provides a sense of control as the body restores chemical balance from the adrenaline rush. In addition, it shortens the amount of time suffering from these upsetting events because the mind is kept from feeding the fear further.
First, learn about the 10 symptoms of panic so you can differentiate between an attack and some other physical condition. At least two of the symptoms are due to wrongly assuming that what is happening is life threatening, exacerbating what is already underway. Accurate labeling can help you remember that the distress will pass relatively soon. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/8872.php
Work against the tendency to make meaning around the symptoms, only adding to the suffering. Our brains love to find an external reason the panic is happening. However, as the article notes, many times it comes out of the blue. Therefore, let go of the need to know ‘why’ and focus instead on how to get through the moment. Find a mantra that can speak directly to the thought running rampant in your mind. Examples:
“This will pass” instead of “I’m dying.”
“I’m o.k.” versus “I’m going crazy.”
“Breathe” instead of “Shit!!!!!”
Finally, focus on the moment. Panic and anxiety love dwelling on the past or future. “I can’t believe I did that. I’ve screwed up everything!” Or “what if…… then something horrible will happen.” The reality is that during an attack, your brain is unable to process information in any meaningful way. Instead, the thoughts repeat over and ever again like Escher’s drawing of a staircase. Nothing new is added, no solutions are found, and the only outcome is physical and emotional exhaustion. No wonder people feel trapped! In the instances when you think you have the solution, do not be fooled. Panic ignores the frontal lobe where reason, problem solving, short term memory, and abstract thinking occur. Therefore, any answers will be black and white, lacking context, and unable to see larger ramifications. Needless to say, decisions will be not be well informed or even realistic. My advice? Stop trying. Wait until the intensity passes and only then consider what might be important to process.
Although this is an incredibly uncomfortable and upsetting experience, it can be dealt with. This is an area I have specialized in for years and I am proud to say that the ability to eradicate this problem is possible. A medical doctor should be consulted about options available to settle down the nervous system while a therapist can provide further skills and address any underlying emotional causes. Whatever your experience might be, know that this is not something you must just endure, nor something you have to face alone.
The Psychopath Test
It’s been nearly a week since the tragic events took place at a Florida high school, the largest school massacre in our nation’s history. I remember Columbine- before this I naively believed churches and schools had some unspoken protection when it came to gun violence. Perhaps it was because the biggest drills I practiced were around fires and tornados. I never even considered that a fellow classmate would be capable of murder, let alone shoot people at random on a mass scale. Now, eighteen years later, these headlines have become familiar. As ABC’s affiliate clarifies, there have been over 18 incidents with guns on school grounds since the start of 2018. (www.wfaa.com/news/nation-world/school-shooting-incidents-in-the-us-so-far-in-2018/518931261)
As in most tragedies, there is a hunger to understand. What would drive a young person to act with such cold cruelty, even stopping for a bite at a fast food restaurant just minutes after committing the heinous crime? Based on some of the behaviors he exhibited in childhood, there is plenty of evidence that suggest the shooter fit the profile of a psychopath. This personality is hard for most people to understand because we cannot fathom a life without empathy/remorse. It is so hardwired into our psyche that warnings can often be dismissed or underplayed. They seem too bizarre. Yet, as recent events highlight, they are very real and very dangerous. If you would like to learn more about this kind of person and the test that helps identify them, there is a fascinating book that delves deeply into this world: The Psychopath Test: A Journey Through the Madness Industry.
Meanwhile, we have work ahead of us as we try to make sense of all of this. I am grateful that the schools have developed protocols to minimize the damage that can be inflicted. But clearly it is not enough. Numerous parts of society own responsibility. What is happening in our nation that requires lockdown drills to be a regular part of the school year? How can we preserve the sanctity of learning so children can go to school without bomb threats or shooters? Last week I heard a student say to me after an unplanned drill, “This was different. As I sat with classmates and my teacher in a classroom closet, I thought, ‘This is it. This is the day some friends are going to die.” I hope we can do what it takes to prevent those words from being ever being spoken again.
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Hugs
I thought this article might be well-timed as we interact with family, coworkers, and friends during the holiday season. Sometimes physical interactions can be welcome, particularly when they match levels of intimacy that seem to fit with the relationship. But then there can be hugs that uncomfortable or worse, creepy.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2266373/Hugging-lower-blood-pressure-boost-memory.html
Here are some factors to keep in mind to ensure the hug is positive for both parties (most relevant with those with whom we have limited personal history or relationship):
- Ask permission. I know that this might seem like a foreign idea to some but it allows receivers to have choice over their body. You never know who has endured abuse, has a different set of comfort levels with touch, or is just not in the mood. Asking is a way to avoid having to guess and to offer an important form of respect.
- The degree of bodily contact. For those we do not know well, a side hug or one that only involves shoulders and arms touching feels much less invasive.
- The duration of the hug. With acquaintances or colleagues, keeping the hug short and sweet is preferable to most.
- Avoid pulling someone into a hug. This suggests that there is some level of control being exercised rather than a mutual exchange.
- Unless romantically involved, be sure your energy is neutral. People often have an intuitive sense when the other person wishes for more.
Here’s hoping that you get all the hugs you need and give generously when possible to bring love and beauty into your piece of the world!
It’s Time To Wake Up!
We are in the middle of a social awakening. Brave individuals are coming forward and acknowledging the sexual dangers women face on a daily basis. With the growing number of voices, society cannot minimize or pretend that this is not a pervasive issue. A male friend recently said to me, “I don’t know how any woman can ever let down her guard.” He is right. There is no career, economic status, ethnicity, or religion that is immune. There is no place where women can be assured safety.
Consider these striking statistics
- 33% of girls under the age of 18 endure sexual abuse
- One in four women will experience an attempted or completed sexual assault in their lifetime
- 700 people are sexually assaulted every day in the United States
- Three fourths of these assaults are perpetrated by someone they know
- 31% of female workers reported being harassed at work. 100% of those women said the harasser was a man
- 60% of assaults go unreported, which means that the numbers above greatly underrepresent what women endure
The numbers are staggering. It continues to astound me that many men possess outrageous entitlement to see women as objectified sex toys that are there for personal gratification. There is no consideration about the other person who is being denied consent. Each woman has the right to determine what kind of sexual experience she allows and who earns the privilege to engage in the various levels of intimacy. When this is ignored, it is not without consequence to the other person. There is confusion, humiliation, a sense of being used, disconnection from the body, and an understandable fear of further harm, to name just a few impacts. There have been breathtaking tolerance and victim blaming that have served to silence women so they have to bare this alone. (Current form: calling this a witch hunt). Women have the right to be treated with decency and respect. As a society and as individuals, it is time to believe that these stories are real and all too common. It’s time to believe that these offensive actions can have lasting, devastating implications and need to be faced head on. Finally, we need to give compassion and support to those who have endured sexual mistreatment, doing all we can to preserve/restore self-worth and dignity.
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Sources:
https://nwlc.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Sexual-Harassment-Fact-Sheet.pdf
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/massage-envy-sexual-assault_us_5a1ba7e5e4b0649480754640
https://thebluebench.org/learn/statistics.html
https://prevention.ucsf.edu/uploads/pubs/FS/pdf/CSAFS.pdf
https://brandongaille.com/23-statistics-on-sexual-harassment-the-workplace/
***Great interview on NPR’s Weekend Edition about the legality of these issues. (12/2/17) (Please cut and paste the following into your search bar) https://www.npr.org/2017/12/02/567974881/the-legal-recourse-for-victims-of-sexual-harassment
New Voices in Politics
There are so many human rights issues that are challenging respect for diversity and dignity. We are being called to not continue the fight for progress, but to also protect the huge strides that have been hard fought. Last Tuesday, a group of voters did just that. Exciting new voices have been added to the political stage, creating a new ability to impact policies that effect our social landscape. See some of these exciting stories for yourself!
http://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/359271-first-openly-transgender-state-legislator-elected-in-virginia. As the article mentions, Roem was able to defeat Marshall, one of the main proponents behind the fabricated issue of transgender individuals being unsafe in public bathrooms.
Benefits of Halloween Scares
It’s Halloween! This is the unique time of year when people of all ages can play pretend and be something/someone totally different than who we are in our day to day lives. Then there’s ….. well… chocolate. Others enjoy the ability to dabble in the stuff of nightmares. Ghosts, ghouls, zombies, and even the dark sides of the human extremes can be explored in movies like “Psycho” “Halloween”, etc. An avid horror film fan once shared that it is a chance to be scared in a safe way. “It’s just images on the screen.” Interestingly, Time Magazine wrote an article that highlighted emerging research about other reasons these images might be beneficial. In case you are having to defend the time spent screaming under a blanket while watching scary movies, now you can have some data to back up your fun:
http://time.com/4995896/scary-movies-burn-calories/
**There have been some folks who have said the links are not working. If you want to still get the information, please cut and paste into your search bar.