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Doomscrolling and the Quest to Stay Sane
The word “doomscrolling” couldn’t be more fitting for what so many of us face these days. It’s easy to get swept up in the constant flow of dramatic news, both at home and around the world. Maybe it begins with a quick peek at the headlines while waiting in line, a chat with a friend who mentions something you hadn’t heard, or that irresistible cat video surrounded by clickbait. Clever algorithms, eye-catching headlines, and shocking images convince us we need to stay updated or risk being caught off guard. Before we know it, we’re spending hours lost in a sea of gloomy updates.
Why Is This Such A Big Deal?!
Part of what makes doomscrolling so enticing is simply the ease of access. With our phones loaded with apps and notifications, a news “hit” is just a tap away. There’s also a chemical side to things. Every time we see a troubling headline, our brains get a quick dopamine boost from something new and intriguing—this triggers our reward system, reinforcing our habit. Of course, what follows is usually a rush of stress and worry.
Let’s not forget the writers and publishers of the content—they’re motivated to keep you reading. The American Psychological Association featured an interview with Dr. Don Grant, who studies online behavior. He explained that today, newspapers like The New York Times, rely heavily on clicks. Journalists whose stories get lots of attention move up faster in their careers, so even reporters feel the pressure to focus on negative or sensational news to attract readers.
Then there are those clever algorithms and AI, always ready to suggest even more of what grabs our attention. Once we start clicking, these programs serve up a steady stream tailored to our interests, keeping us coming back for more. They’re designed to be addictive, and they’re remarkably good at it.
Is It Really That Bad?
Imagine what happens when we spend hours soaking up upsetting news. What does that do to our nervous system, mental health, relationships, and perspective? The American Psychological Association points out that all forms of news media can increase emotional distress, but TV and social media seem to have the strongest effect. It’s not unusual to feel anxious, down, or even hopeless. One study found that stress during the pandemic could even mess with basic decision-making! Imagine struggling to decide something as simple as what to wear or what to eat!
What really worries me is how this shapes our brains. There’s a saying, “What fires together wires together.” It’s all about neuroplasticity—our brains change based on what we repeatedly practice. The more we use certain pathways, the stronger they get. If we spend time on music, meditation, or meaningful connections, our brains soak up those positive experiences. However, if we focus on doom and gloom, those upsetting reactions get wired in, making us even more prone to these feelings in the future.
Conclusion
The consequences of doomscrolling are significant: it eats away our time, keeps us in a constant state of anxious anticipation, and makes us feel like we are doing something helpful when most of the time we just end up scared and depressed. Prolonged exposure to distressing news impacts our nervous systems, mental health, relationships, and overall outlook. Yet there are things we can do. Next month, to prevent leaving you depleted and discouraged, I’ll share some ways you can strike a balance—staying informed without losing your peace of mind. I’m giving you hard news but also have actionable steps that can lead to change!
https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/news-overload
https://www.apa.org/monitor/2024/04/teen-social-use-mental-health
Kids and Hugs: It’s Better to Be Safe than Polite
Years ago, I read a book by Gavin DeBecker titled “The Gift of Fear” and felt like I was given a metaphoric punch in the gut, highlighting a major blind spot. He made the radical claim that pushing children to hug people sends a harmful message. In a nutshell, this insistence tells kids (especially girls) that meeting someone else’s needs is more important than their boundaries, their comfort, or their right to determine who gets to touch them. There was a haunting question, “Is it more important to be polite or safe?” This was a concept I had never considered and from that day on, I vowed to parent with this in mind.
I’ll never forget the day this was tested in full display. My little toddler was bustling around in a pretty party dress like a bumble bee in a field of flowers. It was a family gathering, full of people she knew and some who were less familiar. My grandmother (the latter) was sitting at the far end of the living room and had an understandable moment of wanting to enjoy some of that cuteness. She smiled, clapped her hands, and told my kiddo to come give her a hug. You could tell that grandma expected that her arms would soon be full of a little girl but instead, my daughter ran and hid behind my legs. Grandma, said louder and with more authority, “Come here!” The little toddler only pulled away more.
My heart hurt for both parties. I knew that grandma was coming from a place of love and couldn’t understand why there would be any hesitation. There was also a deeper belief that if someone wants a hug, it is to be given. To do otherwise would be rude. For my daughter, it had been too long since we had all been together. Her young mind did not yet hold memory of people over stretches of time. This older lady was not quite a stranger but certainty not someone to cuddle with. The insistence for sudden closeness only came across as increasingly scary. What a hard impasse!
There was a brief exchange:
Me: “Let’s give her a little bit of time to get reacquainted. If she gets comfortable enough, she may love a hug.”
Grandma, in a light tone: “No, I’m the grandmother and she needs to come give me a hug.”
Me: “Well, I’m the mother and no, she doesn’t.”
I genuinely believe that my conviction kept me steady. When every ounce of me felt guilty for hurting grandma’s feelings, I had to keep telling myself, “It’s more important to be safe than polite! It’s more important to be safe than polite!” No more was said in that moment because I picked up my daughter and went into another room. The hope was to end the debate and move past this awkward standoff (and possibly throw up).
I am happy to report that over time, many hugs were shared and happy memories were created between granddaughter and grandmother. It was a deeply loving act when grandma came to respect these boundaries, even though they were unfamiliar and hard. I hope that, in subtle ways, grandma got to experience the difference between a hug given out of obligation and one given freely.
If you find yourself intrigued and want to know more about the reasons and spirit behind this stance, there is a great article from Dr. Bronwen Carroll that was just posted in Psychology Today: Doctor’s Orders: Your Kids Don’t Have to Hug Anyone. I encourage anyone and everyone to read it. Armed with new perspective, we see this social norm is adult entitlement, plain and simple. Let’s give the gift of honoring children’s boundaries, their natural pacing in relationships, and the right to self-determine. And let it be a gift that keeps on giving!
Happy holidays!!
Avoiding Food Fights and Other Holiday Hostilities
It may be difficult to look forward to holiday get togethers. There is already the anticipation of the uncle who talks with his mouth full, grandma who smells like she put on all of Macy’s perfumes in the store, and dreaded pearl onions. This season, conversations might be extra challenging because of the political climate and the amount of polarization. Our entrenched views and the tendency to approach differences like a debate makes gatherings especially rife for conflict. Here are a few suggestions to help you navigate loaded topics while preserving good will and connection.
Be the Best Version of Yourself
My hope is that no matter how anyone else behaves, you can look at yourself in the mirror the next day and feel good about how you showed up. As author Terrance Real cautions, no one gains in the barf-bag approach to intimacy, where we say whatever we want believing it is being authentic. Instead, let’s respond thoughtfully rather than impulsively. Embrace patience and kindness, keeping in mind that each person is a human being with vulnerabilities and tender places. Strive to maintain a positive attitude that promotes respectful and meaningful interactions.
Maintain Perspective
Ideally, holiday gatherings are about community, celebrating meaningful traditions, enjoying delicious food, and sharing some laughs. Pause and consider: is this conversation truly helpful? For instance, are you gaining a better understanding of someone else’s viewpoint, or is this just a back-and-forth power struggle? Will the discussion leave a positive impression tomorrow? If not, it may be wise to gently steer the discussion back to what matters- enjoying the holidays and each other.
Keep It Respectful
Just as no one enjoys a holiday meal seasoned with snark or backhanded jokes, there’s no need to “grin and bear it” if things get out of hand. When humor crosses the line or the conversation turns cutting, don’t hesitate to set some boundaries—after all, a good gathering shouldn’t come at the expense of anyone’s dignity. If you feel comfortable, gently point out that a comment wasn’t quite in the holiday spirit and ask to keep things respectful. Sometimes addressing it head-on doesn’t feel safe or doable. You can always opt for a softer touch. Offer a neutral reply like, “That’s one way to see it,” or “Interesting,” or simply redirect the conversation. If all else fails, excusing yourself is always an option.
Get Curious
This attitude is the greatest antidote to certainty and judgement. If there is a desire for meaningful conversation, show genuine interest. Ask open-ended questions and invite others to share about their experiences and perspectives. Fully listen to their responses, resisting the desire to prepare a rebuttal. Invite deeper exploration rather than seeking quick agreement or judgment. I especially love hearing personal stories that moves past trading facts and instead build up shared understanding. When you lead with curiosity, you open the door to deeper connections, even when the topics are tough.
In today’s divided world, holiday gatherings can feel more daunting than ever due to the divisive climate. This guide reminds us to show up as our best selves, handle loaded topics with patience and kindness, and keep focus on our intentions. By respecting boundaries, maintaining perspective, and nurturing curiosity, we can navigate even the trickiest moments and savor the spirit of the season together.
Caring for Our Colorado Neighbors
According to the Colorado Department of Human Services, more than 600,000 Coloradans receive SNAP grocery benefits. HALF of those recipients are children, 10% are elderly and 15% are living with disabilities. There are also those uncounted, who need support but do not qualify for government assistance. These are our fellow human beings who are facing a major crisis.
During the season of gratitude and generosity, it is a reminder to be there for others. I hope the food banks’ shelves are overflowing, the volunteer rosters are full of loving faces, and those in need are met with dignity and compassion. If you would like to provide for others, whether through donations, food items, or volunteering, here are a few resources to assist you:
Resources Around Colorado:
- Feeding Colorado an initiative where five Feeding America Food Banks in the state provide policy, advocacy, partnership, and education.
- Food Bank of the Rockies an organization that provides food and resources to those in need through a network of local pantries, shelters, and meal programs across the state.
- 211 Colorado an information site that lists food banks based on location. You may also dial 2-1-1 or (866)760-6489
- Colorado Gives this is a platform that connects donors with nonprofit organizations that includes a wide range of initiatives.
***If you are a SNAP recipient in need of assistance, you may also utilize these links.
“When you’re surrounded by people who share a passionate commitment around a common purpose, anything is possible.” – Howard Schultz
Links and references:
It’s Election Time!!!!
With everything happening across the country, it’s easy to feel like only those with wealth or influence can truly make a difference. While there’s a lot we can’t control, elections present a real opportunity for our voices to matter. Right now in Jefferson County, three of the five seats on the education board are up for grabs. Whoever fills these roles will help set the course for our schools in the years ahead, shaping the experiences of students, families, educators, and the wider community—both in the near future and for generations to come. The important thing is that your vote plays a direct role in what that future looks like.
We each carry a big responsibility to cast our votes thoughtfully, relying on facts and sound judgment. That’s not always easy, especially when it feels like strong opinions are drowning out the information we actually need. To help make things a bit simpler, I’m sharing some resources below that can guide you as you prepare to vote.
- GoVoteColorado
- Ballotpedia Guide
- Discover more about School Board Candidates for the Nov. 4, 2025 Election.
- Chalkbeat Voter Guide
- Colorado League of Women Voters Election Guide
Like John Lewis said, “The vote is precious. It’s the most powerful non-violent tool we have in a democracy, and we have to use it.” So here’s to showing up, casting our ballots, and doing our part in this ever-evolving experiment called democracy!
National Depression Awareness Month
October is National Depression Month, the time we recognize that there are over 16 million people dealing with this affliction at any given time. The struggle is real. Unlike a few days of being down in the dumps and binge-watching daytime TV in sweatpants, depression profoundly impacts people’s lives. A glimpse into an average day:
- While other people are laughing and having fun, anything positive does not sink in. The very experience that would be an antidote for hardships is nothing more than gray and flat.
- When nothing positive gets through, it becomes difficult to look forward to anything. Dread surfaces because past experience suggests that any upcoming event will be another disappointment, another chance to feel separate from others. Is there any surprise that motivation disappears?
- Energy is sluggish, like walking around with fifteen-pound weights. Depression colors the ability to recognize that what the body needs is to move. Instead, the couch or bed seem like the antidote. Sadly, it usually only makes depression stronger.
- The inner critic is unhinged, turning every interaction into a chance for self-character assassination. No vulnerability is off limits, and it especially has a field day when interacting with other people. The mental work to prevent the critic from taking over impacts concentration and memory. (Here is an interesting take by some YouTubers on the inner critic, using characters from a Bug’s Life.)
One anonymous person added, “Depression is feeling like you’ve lost something but having no clue when or where you last had it. Then, one day you realize what you lost was yourself.”
My hope is that these suffering souls know that this struggle has a name, there are criteria that put words to the experience, and there are ways to find relief. It’s one step at a time. Below is a list of resources to help you or someone you know dealing with depression or you may call me to discuss options. No one needs to face this alone.
Breathe darling. This is just a chapter. It’s not your whole story.”
– S.C. Lourie
Resources
- DBSA – In-person and online support group as well as support for friends and family
- Medical New Today– an article that provides information that addresses numerous aspects of depression
- Anxiety and Depression Association of America – Provides group work, therapist matching, and specified resources
- College Planning Guide – resource for college students with mental health concerns
- Families for Depression Awareness – Offers resources for loved ones including webinars, workshops, and videos on how to be supportive in the healing process
- AgeWise Colorado – Provides research and descriptions of many resources specific for older adults
- SAMSA– a national hotline for those struggling with substance abuse and mental health struggles
- Mental Health Colorado – Advocates for mental health awareness and offers resources, support, and education for individuals and families facing depression.
- Second Wind Fund – Focuses on youth suicide prevention and provides funding for therapy for children and teens at risk of depression or suicide.
Suicide
- 988 Hotline (Formerly National Suicide Hotline) 988- phone or text
- Colorado Crisis Services (844) 493-8255 – Call or text (“TALK” to 38255) to speak with a representative 24/7
- SAVE: Suicide Prevention, Information, and Awareness – In collaboration with Exempla Lutheran
- The Trevor Project – (866) 488-7386 Chat groups, support groups, and suicide hotline
- Denver Springs – crisis center for inpatient needs
Using AI with Therapy
I was on a walk the other day when someone asked, “My daughter isn’t ready to talk to a therapist, so what do you think about her using Chat GPT for a while?” It took all I had to maintain a neutral face because, unsurprisingly, I have a huge bias in this area. That didn’t stop her question from intriguing me though. I like to have evidence and critical thinking behind any recommendation, so this gave me the kick in the pants to dig deeper and figure out an answer based on client feedback, the position of the American Counseling Association and American Psychiatric Association, expert opinions, and some implications that have come to light so far. **Please note that this is focus on clients and the public using AI, not how this tool may be used by therapist or other mental health providers.
How Can It Be Helpful?
If treated like a journal, clients have reported positive feedback about their experience with AI. One person asked ChatGPT to review all her reflections over the past year and summarize themes. She was surprised by what was reflected, giving her a window into her own thought process. Another person found that it helped them find their words, having prompted ChatGPT to take their verbal “dumps” and arranged their thoughts into something with better grammar and fewer “f-bombs”. The result was something they found more cohesive and useable.
Using AI, vulnerability can be tapped into without fear of judgement or pushback. Let’s be real- people are not always great listeners. They interrupt, get distracted, or use your story as a prompt to talk about themselves. The time spent with ChatGPT will allow room to put into words the internal experience and even give encouragement to dig deeper.
AI/ChatGPT can fill in the gap between therapy sessions; offering exercises, writing prompts, lists like emotional regulation tools, tracking moods, etc. I particularly like it for researching and exploring ideas. For example, (please, please, please use reputable sources) AI can offer summaries of research findings or clarify multiple viewpoints on a subject. When I recently used AI to look up a word, I was pleased to see how a complex phenomenon was translated from mind-numbing scientific jargon into more easily understood language. For people who want an initial exposure to an idea, ChatGPT can be a valuable assistant.
Cautions
Like any tool, ChatGPT can be helpful and it can be harmful. A hammer can help you build a cabinet but it can also smash a window. It is imperative to proceed with caution and discernment because ultimately, ChatGPT is shaped by the data it consumes and the biases inherent in its design.
First, remember humans are full of assumptions, misunderstandings, and passions. When we pour these into ChatGPT, it will echo them. It is understandably amazing to read responses that feel validating and understanding- but remember, this is really you validating you. ChatGPT is tailor-made confirmation bias, the tendency to prefer things that confirm what we already believe. It will not challenge flawed thinking nor offer Truths.
Second, it is unclear what goes into the algorithms and who has access. Therapists and counselors are bound by laws, codes of ethics and best practices. What rules and practices govern ChatGPT? I know of no mandated response when someone shares that they are in a suicidal state, nor a duty to report when abuse is disclosed. Laura Reiley’s article and tragic story in the New York Times offers a glimpse into these implications. ChatGPT’s support is inherently limited and to date, cannot ensure privacy protections.
There is also uncertainty how this data is being used- do marketing firms have access? Could a special interest group be monitoring our conversations? Can a computer genius with too much time on their hands hack into the data? Could a stalker tap into our inner most thoughts? I realize I sound like a conspiracy theorist, but the reality is, most of us just don’t know. The ACA recommends that users at least “ensure the platform has robust security and privacy protections in place.”
Third, ChatGPT is designed for user satisfaction. It is not going to offer the messy, often maddening, but endearing and valuable experience of genuine interaction. With AI, there will be no misunderstandings to work through that build social skills, uncomfortable silences that offer necessary challenges, nor facial expressions that evoke the unexpected. Much like porn, AI systems offer a one-sided relationship, absent of any demands or expectations. I worry that if people practice this form of engagement too much, they may struggle with reciprocal, imperfect human connections.
Human interaction has an energy, soul, and presence that no computer program can touch. Just recently, a client was struggling to share her sadness because of a lifetime of messaging that taught her distress was nothing more than self-indulgence and a lack of discipline. I responded, “I think emotions are the color of life! They can be spontaneous, informative, unexpected, and sometimes for no apparent reason whatsoever. Isn’t that delightful?” She looked back at me with tearful eyes and saw that I meant it to my core. She smiled back at me, “This is so much lighter… even… playful…. REALLLY?” There is no substitute for these moments of heart meeting heart!
Please down-right avoid ChatGPT for the following:
- During a state of crisis, when we are most prone to catastrophic thinking and harmful tendencies (towards self or others). Reach out to a human being, whether a loved one, a provider, or a hotline. (See my links listing for resources)
- As the primary source of support- again, treat this like a tool rather than a relationship.
- As a substitute for a relationship, like a best friend or a partner.
- For mental health diagnosis- as the ACA states, “AI lacks the ability to holistically consider a client’s complex personal history, cultural context, and varied symptoms and factors among others (Kulkarni & Singh, 2023).” Stick to licensed experts who not only have these skills, but can share their findings with compassion and context.
AI tools like ChatGPT have much to offer- a non-judgmental place to put down thoughts without measuring words, explore our inner landscape, and to gather insights. These are dazzling tools, but only tools, not companions or guardians of our well-being. Let’s remember to use wisdom when in these new technological frontiers while holding onto the importance and richness of human connection.
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Resources