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With Gratitude
I am blessed by so many people in my life. Thank you to the incredible clients I have the privilege to work with. You continually show me determination, resilience, and deep inner wisdom that serves to warm and inspire every day. Thank you to the community of colleagues who bring a depth and level of connection unmatched. You challenge, support, and mentoring helps me strive to be the best clinician and person I hope to be. Thank you to the family that provides unyielding presence, encouragement, and joy. Thank you to the beautiful people in the world who make the day a little brighter, a little sweater, and a little kinder.
Thankful for hardships, thankful for strife;
Thankful for those who have come into my life:
to show me the good, and show me the bad
how to be happy, how to be sad;
Thankful for lessons that have made me stronger
For holding out hope when I thought I couldn’t hold on any longer
Thankful for family and thankful for friends;
For knowing which ties to break and which fences to mend;
Grateful for failures and faults and misgivings
Thankful to know I am human and living
Thankful for lies which turn into truth;
Thankful to elders who remember their youth;
Thankful for times when I think I have nothing;
And thankful for realizing that nothing’s still something
Thankful for memories, dreams, and things still unclear;
For things that retreat for a time and then reappear
Thankful for those who used to be here
And the ability to hold those folks who are still here_ near
Thankful for earth, oceans and heavens above
Thankful for knowing the meaning of love
Thankful to know when I’ve stolen the sky’s blue
That I can turn around and give many more thanks just for You.
By Lady Mar 2017
It Has Begun-
It’s time for any political passivity to be a thing of the past. The efforts of the incoming president to strip away the balance of power and to revoke rights are underway. There is a bill under congressional consideration that would facilitate shutting down non-profits. According to the Nonprofit Association of Washington:
“H.R.9495 has the potential to endanger nonprofits and the work that we do by allowing the government to terminate the tax-exempt status of nonprofits by way of the Secretary of Treasury who would have full authority to designate charitable organizations as “a terrorist-supporting organization”, without the requirement of sharing the evidence or reasoning to the accused nonprofit and the public at large. It places the burden of proof on the nonprofit organization being accused and effectively eliminates due process by only allowing an organization 90 days to prove its innocence before having its tax-exempt status revoked. If HR9495 passes, charitable organizations that are involved in issues around women’s reproductive rights, serving immigrants and refugees, working on issues related to wars and victims of wars, and even issues around equity, could potentially be deemed as terrorists or domestic terrorists.”
Please, do not stay silent. Call your senator today and ask that they oppose any such bill.
George Carlin made a statement that has stuck with me for years, “Just when these American citizens needed their rights the most…their government took them away. and rights aren’t rights if someone can take em away. They’re priveledges. That’s all we’ve ever had in this country is a bill of TEMPORARY priviledges; and if you read the news, even badly, you know the list get’s shorter, and shorter, and shorter.” He highlights that we cannot assume our rights are givens. They can be revoked, as we have learned with affirmitive action, women’s health care, and protections for the transgender community. Please do not get comfortable. Please be vigilant and most importantly, please act.
For those in Colorado, here’s who you need to contact….. regularly!
Michael Bennet (D)
bennet.senate.gov
202-224-5258
John Hickenlooper (D)
www.hickenlooper.senate.gov
202-224-5941
Day of Remembrance
Today marks the time of year when the trans community and their allies recognize those who have been killed due to hate crimes. There has been amplified demoralizing and terrifying scapegoating onto the community, amplifying the threats these beautiful human beings have to endure. I have no words- the painful reality that being authentic is truly life-threatening for these beautiful people.
What to know about the transgender day of remembrance
Tonight, if you want to be present with the community, The Transgender Center of the Rockies and The Center on Colfax, are hosting a candelit ceremony at the Tivoli Turnhalle from 6-9 p..m. They will honor those who have lost their lives this year with music, poetry, affirmations, and speaking the names of those who’ve died.
For Many, It Is A Dark Time
With the election largely over, we are left with sobering answers about who we are as a people, state, and nation. There are painful realities that have been revealed about how our leaders view the very citizens they serve and have promised that treatment will not be equal. Half of our nation has voted for authoritarian dictates, exclusivity, a double set of ethics, constant threats, manipulation, and exploitation. The reach is long- the promised policies will have a ripple effect into every facet of our lives, impacting all branches of government as well as generations down the line.
For the next few days, I urge all of us to turn off the media that has been saturating our senses and spaces. Allow room for grief- it is your heart acknowledging what we love, what we have lost, and what further hardships may come. Find those who understand and share your pain, reminding you that you are not alone.
Soon, we must move beyond pessimism, despair, and pain because there is work to do. There are lessons to learn, weakening democratic pillars to reinforce, people who will need our protection, and the imperative to hold fast to dignity and morality when our social mores have been commandeered by hate speech and bullying.
I share with you a few words spoken by people much wiser than me, who offer balm for a bruised heart and hope in dark times:
- Today is for suffering. But tomorrow—tomorrow is for community. I’ll be there, chest heaving, limbs heavy, eyes blurry, waiting for you. Scaachi Koul
- “Some things you must always be unable to bear. Some things you must never stop refusing to bear. Injustice and outrage and dishonor and shame. No matter how young you are or how old you have got. Not for kudos and not for cash: your picture in the paper nor money in the bank either. Just refuse to bear them.” – William Faulkner
- Choose courage over selfishness, trust over fear, love over anger. You do not know the end of grace. There is much you cannot change but bring healing where you can. We are not promised to be given light, but to shine with light. Don’t become an enemy of the world and its brokenness. Stay tender. Become a source of comfort and joy for others. Let this purpose bear you through the darkness and you yourself will become light. Take courage; trust grace; stay connected; practice love. – Rev. Steve Garnaas-Holmes
I hope you can honor your sorrow, enjoy small moments find reminders that there is good in the world, and most importantly, find the flicker of light that can guide you in dark times.
Voting Resource
Good news! We’re nearing the end of this election rollercoaster. That means it is time to buckle down and engage in the great privilege of researching, discerning, and most importantly- voting. It is so tempting to be caught up in identity politics or have the headline of the day overshadow our civic duty of thoughtful consideration of the candidates and issues. This Carl Sagan quote seems to fit the moment:
We can judge our progress by the courage of our questions and the depth of our answers, our willingness to embrace what is true rather than what feels good.
The link below will hopefully make it a little easier to make sense of all the information out there. A few questions to consider:
- Does my vote consider all angles of the issue including who it impacts ? Have I considered what it would be like to be on the receiving end of this change?
- Does my vote lead to collaboration and community? (versus hostility)
- Are the sources I’m using to make my decision known for honesty or focused on persuasion?
- Is the candidate someone I would be willing to hire? Example: what kind of conduct and integrity have they shown? What does their resume show- qualifications, experience, etc. Who is financially connected to them? Who is willing to endorse them (and connect their reputation to this person)?
Thank you for doing all you can to ensure the voice of the people are represented in our leaders!
My Wishes for Trying Times
Sadly, this is not one of those articles where my wacky humor helps turn heavy topics into something light. This time my heart aches after reading about a group of kids who had to stay home from school for two days because political rhetoric led to a bomb threat at their school. Luckily, when I was ready to cry into a bucket of ice cream, a well-timed hug brought much needed balm. Now I am enjoying the quiet contentment of my geriatric cat purring next to me as I write. Thank goodness for the sweet moments that soothe an aching heart.
As we move into the frenzied time prior to the election, the divisive messaging is intensifying. But I refuse to accept that we have to tolerate this as the new norm. Not only is it mean, the news story mentioned above highlights that it is dangerous. We do not have to embody this vitriol! Let’s reconnect to our core ethical values for how we relate to each other. I know it will take focused intention, but I know we can do better, be better than what is being modeled. Here are my wishes for each of us as we go forward:
Let’s Be Respectful
Respect involves showing the other person that they deserve to be treated with dignity. This trait cannot be dependent upon conditions. It’s easy to be respectful when we agree, but it takes real maturity and character to be respectful even when there is hurt and anger.
Let’s Practice Humility
Searching to be right, the greatest, or the most accomplished only serves to separate us from each other. We all have positive and negative attributes, and if we can recognize this, we can engage in the very vulnerability that leads to connection.
Let’s Look for the Positive
We are all human. Our interactions may not always come in pretty packages and we may make enormous mistakes. Seek out the positive in people. We tend to get what we expect to find.
Let’s Lead with Compassion
To me, compassion involves practicing the radical act of living out of our shared humanity. No matter who we are or the afflictions we have, we wish from the depths of our being that the other can be relieved of suffering and find peace.
Let’s Embody Kindness
Kindness is to be caring without the need for personal benefit or gain. Dr. Doty said, “Kindness ripples out and makes it more likely that your friends and those around you will be kinder. It is a social contagion that puts our society right.”
Let’s Be Good Company
We can act like a benevolent grandparent who receives another without judgment or distortion, asks for nothing, yet takes pleasure in learning, observing and understanding the life experience of another just as it is. We manifest this attitude by being non-manipulative, non-clinging, non-demanding. We let the other be themselves.
Let’s Love with Abandon
Give love freely and abundantly. Maintain concern for others and embrace the part we each can play in helping to make life more comfortable for others.
Let’s Hold on to Hope
When we have hope, we see that above the clouds lives the beautiful shining sun. We have the capacity to see potential, even if this means rethinking assumptions, changing attitudes, and taking fresh action.
There is so much good in this world, I hope we never lose sight of it or take it for granted. Together, let us bring out the best in ourselves and each other.
The Difference Between Panic Attacks and Overwhelming Anxiety
I was all set to write about the “joys” of panic and anxiety but found a great article that summarizes the differences so why reinvent the wheel? The article includes the diagnostic criteria so you can label what is taking place in the body and accurately identify what is happening to distinguish the experience from a medical emergency. It also provides you with concise language to share with providers should medication be part of the treatment plan.
Of course, no link can be provided without a little commentary, specifically about panic attacks. As the article mentions, a panic attack usually last around ten minutes. I have found that this is true only in the times when someone allows the sensations to run their course and thoughts remain minimal. Most of the time, however, people suffer much longer due to the internal chatter that keep the elevated state intact.
When working with a client, this is one of the places I focus first: to ensure this is “only” a chemical misfire rather than additional mental suffering. I start by identifying the core fear which usually speaks to the confusion that comes with these experiences. A mantra is then the antidote, keeping the meaning machine (brain) focused so the body can get back to homeostasis. Here are common examples:
- I’m dying, I’m going crazy Antidote: This is panic.
- I’m trapped, it’s not going to end Antidote: This will pass.
- I can’t make it stop Antidote: Just breathe.
I personally have delt with panic disorder for years and have become so familiar with the experience that I know exactly what is happening. I have affectionately named my panic “Henry.” When the adrenaline surge happens, I name it as soon as possible, “Oh ‘hi’ Henry. I wasn’t aware that we were getting together today.” Then I find a comfortable spot, close my eyes, focus on slowing my breath down, and with a few other tools sprinkled in, stay the course until the rush passes.
While I do not wish panic attacks on anyone, I can personally attest that they do not have to dominate your life. Understanding, tools, and resources go a long way. Don’t hesitate to find support to help you figure out the strategy that is best suited for you.