This video does a wonderful job talking about something that is a common plague in our society: dissatisfaction. This is the experience we have when a situation falls short of expectations. Instead of being able to enjoy what ended up being the reality, the experience is colored with negativity. There is a priceless scene in Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone when Dudley is given a room full of toys for his birthday. His parents reveal his new treasures with big smiles and the expectations of delight. Instead, his response is a nasty tantrum as he realizes there is one less present than last year. His parents try to appease him with statements highlighting larger sizes or greater expense, but it has no effect. The love behind the effort makes no impact. All that matters to the boy is quantity.
Not all expectations are bad. They can serve as filters, so we do not tolerate people or situations that are toxic. They might also help us develop goals that push us further than we thought possible. Expectations are also a key component of standards. Without them, we would not know what qualifies someone for a job, creates credentialing, or ensures a level of quality. Thank goodness for those expectations! But what this video and article focus on, are those measures that do not inspire. They are soaked in words like “should,” “must,” and “ought.” Rather than lead to a sense of contentment, they take us down a path that leads to feeling frustrated, guilty, cheated, or resentful.
The video’s antidote is to embrace gratitude and practice it regularly. They mention beautiful results like reducing selfishness, improving sleep, encouraging positivity that drives social bonds, to name a few. There is another factor worth mentioning. “What fires together wires together.” This statement refers to the phenomenon called neuroplasticity. Our brain has neurons that put out electrical impulses (fire) that communicates with other neurons along a specific path. Over time, well used pathways get strengthened; those that do not atrophy and are pruned. So, whatever we practice, whether piano, karate, or self-talk, it will gradually change and rewire the brain.
While we cannot change genetics, traumatic experiences, biochemistry, or brain structures, there are still things we can do. One powerful way we can make an impact is to be very intentional about our habits. If you spend more time thinking about your inadequacies or what is wrong, then your brain will become wired to dwell even more in these areas. If you seek out the positive, you will not only improve those neurological pathways, you will also have more opportunity for joy. It may not be easy to change long-standing behaviors but in the end, you will spend less time fighting what brings you down and instead build things that nourish you.
If you would like a formal way to practice gratitude, there are numerous apps available on your phone. Some of these are simple journals, others include encouragements and suggestions for various forms of self-care.