It’s that cheerful time of year when we begin to dream of what can be. Some of us hope to learn a new language, some gain a new hobby and others just hope to master the use of utensils. The point is, we are looking for ways to shape a better tomorrow. Yet to move the wheels that keep change in motion, the task cannot be undertaken lightly. Our tendency to gravitate back to the usual routine or maintain the norm can be strong. Forget resolutions. That has become a bad word that screams February let down. Rather, let’s contemplate what can help turn ideas into reality.
There is no way to head towards a destination if you don’t know where you’re going. The “how” is useless without the “what” crystal clear. To begin, think about the big picture and what is important to you based on your values and dreams. Forget your parents’ expectations- they don’t have to live it; forget what the latest book claims is the right way to live- it is just another opinion of someone who doesn’t know you. This should be, to quote Tigger, “All about you!” It may help to envision yourself at an advanced age, sitting on a porch with friends, telling stories about your life. What would you emphasize? What would you like to say you experienced and did? What kind of person (qualities) do you hope to embody? The answer to these questions can become the guiding principles that focus daily decisions.
Once you have determined your vision, the various aspects of your life then are examined to determine if they complement or detract. Every element is an integral, so nothing is off limits. Consider your relationships- all of them: family life, friendships, spiritual pursuits, work, money, silence, play, time, volunteering, self-growth practices, etc. When most areas are all pointed in the same direction, there is a natural momentum that begins to take hold.
As you go through this examination, it will become evident what is lacking or what factors are sucking away precious resources. You may be surprised what comes to light. My colleague, in a presentation on time management, recently highlighted how much concentration is compromised and how much time is spent simply checking email on a frequent basis. There may be people who have a malignant influence. On the surface, they may seem to have good intentions, but a closer look shows undertone that serve to cause constant second-guessing or self-doubt. It’s time for some pruning!
Once space has been created by getting rid of the unwanted weight, there is now a place for those elements you want to introduce or enhance. Set the goal. Don’t be fooled- this is an art.
- Write down the goal in positive terms, focusing on the gains rather than losses. For example, someone wants to shed some unwanted pounds. Consider the difference in motivation between how this goal is stated: (a) spend one hour less time on the computer playing games (b) spend my relaxation hour trying out my new hobby.
- Be realistic. I once heard someone say, “The Lord didn’t do it in one day, what makes you think you can?” It will take time and patience as the changes become part of your routine. Choose one thing to start with. Then, take action. Procrastination will be very seductive, so to avoid this trap, commit to engaging in the goal for fifteen minutes. The point is START! Finishing is less important when you are trying on new things.
- Make it specific so you know what you are after. Otherwise it is like reading a map with a general idea of where you are going but no clear route. Example: “stress reduction” is vague. Instead, the goal could be: implement a self-care regimen by walking a half hour, three times per week.
- Include accountability/support. Resolve ebbs and flows. It can be hard to consider the long term when the rewards of the moment seem so strong. Knowing others will ask about your progress, are ready to cheerlead, and can give you that extra push can make all the difference in the world!
- Evaluate- did it work? If it did, GREAT! Figure out the recipe that led to success so you can duplicate it. If it didn’t work, review what we’ve talked about and find gaps. For those times when we really missed the mark, brush off, and try again. Sometimes we learn where not to go so we eventually find the path we want.
With a little luck, some dedicated focus, and a desire to really embrace what lies ahead, you can have more than a life. You can have a life fully lived.