With all of the hubbub about Christmas shopping and the latest gadgetry, it can be hard to see presents as anything but mere consumerism. But giving to others does not have to be just another meaningless obligation. Giving a gift can be a powerful way to communicate how special someone is in your life. If done with the right heart and right approach, giving gifts is deemed one of the five primary ways to show love. (Chapman, 1950) What better time than the holiday season to practice this form of loving?
Gifts come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. Some are expensive and others are free. What makes a gift a form of love is the underlying meanings that are attached. Luckily, just giving the gift is a good start. Once something is in hand, there is tangible evidence that someone was thought of. The thought was then important enough to turn into action. In order to have something in hand, time and resources were required.
The gift gains in importance when it shows that you were paying attention. When you surprise someone with a treasure they mentioned in passing months early, it means you made the effort to remember. If you found something related to his/her interests, the gift meant stepping outside of your personal preferences and taking time to consider what is important to the other person. It is an act of true selflessness.
Example: I was told a story about a woman who said the most romantic gift she had been given was bear repellant. It had been a life dream to go into the wilderness alone and stay for several days, much like a rite of passage in some of the Native American cultures. Her husband was a wreck that something would happen to her, particularly an encounter with wildlife. On the day she opened the package and found the repellant, she recognized that it symbolized how hard he was trying to honor her needs but also try to provide some protection in the only way he knew how.
Then there are those gifts that signify a connection that is unique to the two involved. Sometimes it makes a statement, such as a friendship pin or a wedding ring. Other times, it is more subtle and indicates an intimate knowledge of the other. Examples might include a bouquet of flowers that are the same as those given on a first date, a bookmark containing the words to a favorite song, or perhaps a framing a cherished card that had been given in the past. The key is to recognize and make tangible what is special between you.
When you look at your list of people to give to, recognize that this is an opportunity to offer more than an obligatory token. Instead, you can step into the other person’s world, learn more about who they are, and consider how this person’s day may be made brighter by this act of kindness. Best wishes this holiday season!
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Reference: Chapman, G (1992). The Five Love Languages. Chicago, IL: Northfield Publishing.