A recent documentary, Leaving Neverland, has been making headlines depicting the lives of two men (Wade Robson and Jimmy Safechuck) enduring years of sexual abuse inflicted by Michael Jackson and the rippling effect it has in their lives. There are elements of the story that might be hard to relate to, living in the glow of a larger than life celebrity. Private jets, high powered contacts, and Michael’s electrifying charisma, are not experiences most of us have. Nor are there swarms of people paid to protect and provide for the entertainers every whim, no matter the ethical gymnastics it must take to do so. At the same time, there are so many elements of their stories that echo the struggles male survivors have when there has been sexual violation.
Reflection I: Grooming
It is imperative that people recognize “grooming,” so steps can be taken as soon as possible to protect children. Grooming is a process of coercion, manipulation, and an imbalance of power for the purpose of sexual exploitation. A form of brainwashing, the perpetrator presents as positive and attentive, gradually gaining increased access to the child. Usually unsupervised, there is room to introduce ideas and experiences that lead innocent children to believe that sex is a natural progression of a loving relationship. This increases the victim’s comfort with the behavior, making it less likely for the secret to get out. Wade shared that Jackson would give covert signs in public that there was something “special” between them, and then each night, a variety of sex acts would occur as a “normal” part of their routine.
There is a wonderful summary of the gradual process of grooming there, where they identify steps like building trust, reassuring the family, eroding boundaries, creating secrecy, and ensuring compliance. Here are some examples of the trust building grooming process depicted in the film. Michael:
- Pretended to share common interests, backgrounds, experiences, etc. He chose young entertainers and of course, children who liked to play. Imagine what it would be like to have a private amusement park at your disposal.
- Gave gifts as tokens of friendship. Both men described shopping sprees without limits and being given props from Jackson’s videos.
- Played games- Jackson had a trainset…. around his bed!
- Flattered and make the child feel special and somehow indebted. Both men talked about the moment Jackson moved on to a new boy and how they felt crushed by the abandonment.
- Created increasing forms of physical contact. There are countless pictures and videos of Michael holding boys hands, putting his arms around them, and leaning in to speak to his favorite boy like two best friends.
- Introduced pornography to seven year-olds.
These behaviors alone can create a ripple effect of confusion that occurs when someone in a position of trust takes the liberty to use another human being for gratification. If adults in the child’s life can recognize the signs, they can take action early on and hopefully minimize what will be needed to recover. For those who are willing to speak up, we can hope that our culture will increase supervision and accountability. This may be an invaluable contribution to keep other children out of harm’s way.
https://www.usfsa.org/content/Grooming%20behaviors.pdf
https://educateempowerkids.org/8-ways-predator-might-groom-child/ 2 \l